5 Qualities Of A Balanced Attractive Man

December 16, 2012 | 10 Comments

5 Qualities Of A Balanced And Attractive Man

First I would like to introduce this post with a metaphor using the Mayor Of London, Boris Johnson.  It’s kind of gratuitously included because it’s only partially relevant to this post, but it was the first thing that jumped into my mind when I was considering writing this:

I hope you see the metaphor.  The guy cracks me up.

PS Shameless plug – if you’re interested in taking on a PUA Coach then look me up.

1:/ A strong identity including standards and boundaries and being internally referenced.

This one is super important.  Women want a leader, a man who can take care of them, who is competent in the world, knows himself, is happy in his own skin and centred.  They want you to be the rock solid cliff that their waves on emotion can crash up against, and feel safe and secure that you won’t crumble.

A strong identity is multi faceted and 100000000000000s of pages of content could be written about this.   We all have different personality traits to one varying degree or another, so within these dating articles I have tried to tease out those that are typically masculine and universally attractive.  However depth of character is what makes you unique, stand out and attractive so throughout I’ve attempted to signpost the nuances and grey areas along the way.  For example you will see in this short list qualities more often associated with the feminine.  I believe it’s the degree to which you “own” these characteristics, to which you are unashamed about expressing them, that is important.

2:/ Non Gamey / Fake

I keep mentioning this because it goes to the crux of what I believe makes an attractive man.
If you approach a girl and try it on, and let’s say you’re tired, nervous, whatever.  You’re not “in state”.  You don’t “run perfect game”.  It doesn’t matter.  It’s neutral.  It neither detracts from her perception of you, or bolsters it.

This is where authenticity comes in : if you inhabit, if you own how you are feeling, are ok with it – it subcommunicates that you believe yourself worthy of her at a core level.  You’re approaching her, you’re tired, it might even come across that you’re moody.  It doesn’t matter.  What you’re actually saying is : I like you (that’s why I am here), I find you attractive, I will tell you this, but I don’t feel the need to try to impress you, to act in a way other than what my autopilot response tells me to do.   So if I am a bit moody, or tired, or irritable , or even depressed and you pick up on that..It’s neutral.

It would be positive if you were to approach radiating masculine energy, dominance, leading, sure of yourself, but the scenario I have described above is fine.  It won’t lose you the girl.  Authenticity in and of itself has value.
On the flip side, if you approach like a dancing monkey – trying “game” stuff, even if you are very good at it and pull it off in a practicsed and rehearsed manner..>Think what this says about you:

>I turn my “game” head on when I chat to girls
>I am not good enough in and of myself to get girls
>I am not confident that my natural rap is good enough to get girls.

Get it?

Anything that is counter to your natural moment by moment reactions – anything that tries to mask who you are and what you are feeling, will detract from your value.

It goes beyond this and has longer term implications.  Don’t you want to be inhabiting the identity of a man who believes he is worthy of girls just because of who he is?  If you approach with this mindset, you’re going to accumulate reference experiences that support this belief and over time will grow into your power, and grow in self esteem.  It’s a holistic process that enhances your power as a man as you get older.

3:/Has self belief, is determined, strives to improve, is competitive whilst not taking himself too seriously and can laugh at himself. Does not let ego hold him back.

Another great masculine trait is the competitive instinct.  Even way before I learned about this stuff I was competitive about getting better with girls, mostly with myself.  I never used to be as well rounded and as good as I am now.   When I was growing up I would go out alone to the nearest big town and try to meet women, if I didn’t meet anyone I would have to sleep in the train station because I couldn’t afford a taxi home!  So I created these kinds of targets for myself.

A running mantra that used to play in my head was “what’s now is not forever”.  “Change comes from within”.  “Who I am now is not me”.

I write this now and think back to how I used to be…Desperately insecure but with a burning desire to make myself better and not be put down..You have to have this.  You have to emotionally engage with it and make it very important to you.  A million books have been written on this, find out what works for you.  But when it gets right down to it you only ever have yourself to rely on.

The trap you may fall into (this applies to a lot of naturals) is taking yourself too seriously, getting a big ego and basing your identity on your ability to get women.

This is a classic danger for those learning this stuff that i’ve sort of alluded to.

2 tips : Stay grounded by keeping your true friends, and if you find yourself talking about yourself too much, stop.  No one is interested in being part of the TV show where you are the main star.

Finally realise this : Being able to pull girls is not a big deal, they’re just girls fa chrissake.


4:/ Has a heart, not just looking for a receptacle to put his dick in

This is more of a higher order characteristic and something that you’ll notice as you continue on your pick up journey.  I believe if you pursue the path of the broken man – focussing on “the bang”, “how can I sha** as many girls as I can”, “how can I get the best result for myself from this girl”..These kinds of things, you’re becoming a broken man, and coincidentally, will actually be much less effective with women.  Why? 

You get out what you put in.

Let me give you a little example.  You’re chatting to a hot girl in a bar.  Things are going well and she opens up to you and tells you something dear to her heart, some insecurity that obviously has caused her pain (and may still do so).

My reaction would be to look at her face, see the pain and reach deep within myself and find that empathetic space and feel some of that pain on her behalf.  I would think of past experiences that were similar for me.  It would show in my face and eyes, that I am sincerely sorry and that I can relate.  Beyond that it would occur to me, whether it would be best to pursue sex with her, whether it might cause her further pain, even if it means I don’t get “the result”.  In other words, I put her feelings first.  It’s a real human reaction.

This won’t appeal to everyone.  All I am saying is : relate to the girl as a human being and not just a receptacle to put your fu**ing dick into.

5:/ Has masculine polarity but is self aware and knows his emotions

Masculine polarity : A strong masculine energy.  Qualities such as decisiveness, dominance, leading.  But also as i’ve written above : A sensitivity to her emotions, empathy, nobility.  Yeah it’s old fashioned.

Beyond that, being in touch with your own emotions.  This is one where most guys are just lost.  Do you know yourself?  I freely admit that sometimes I actually cry, with an overflowing of emotions…I feel it very keenly.  You build this up by finding and discovering yourself.  Take time out if you can.  Travel on your own.  What do you like?  Do you know?  Pursue hobbies you are interested in.

Beyond that, I cannot recommend mindfulness strongly enough.


10 thoughts on “5 Qualities Of A Balanced Attractive Man

  1. fifa_001

    This was a really good post steve, learned a lot. Will you be making move videos explaining stuff and infield videos anytime soon? And when in January will your book be out?


    • SteveJabba Post author

      I will be doing more videos, sure. It is part of the strategy.

      If I get the opportunity and it is the right thing to do I will be doing an infield product which will hopefully be quite different to anything else that’s been offered before.

      Re book, patience! I mull things over all the time but am having to focus on other things right now…


  2. Rick91

    Hey Steve great post . Also checked out some of your posts on lss forum. Led to my discovery of baby face. Thank you for that.

    Point 2 especially hit home for me. I was thinking of all the times i have hooked up and how easy and natural it felt at the time and how difficult it felt when you had a rough night.

    All the girls i fucked i had something in common with usually. Usually traveling or a genuine interest in what they were doing with lives e.g. career, hobbies. Or i was in a third world country which is kind of cheating if your a decent enough looking white dude (but still fun).

    Some of the worst gaming advice i think would be going indirect and trying to avoid normal question’s like what you do for a living in case you bore them.


    • SteveJabba Post author

      Hey Rick,

      Do you mean Baby Girl?

      Yeah, normal questions are part of bonding and like I say it’s the vibe and subcommunications that are important. The content of what you say, not so much. This is why long term you need to “fix” yourself if you can. It can be a long term process, full of dangers because there are a lot of flat out contradictions and confusing blind alleys along the way.


  3. Rick91

    Yeah baby girl that’s the one, interesting to see how much mainstream game fucked him up in his earlier posts and how his results got when he was just his natural self. His post’s were class in general.

    I understand it will likely be a long term process and i’m up for it. Your point number 3 has me down to a tee, I have a friend who is a bit of a loser aged 21 never kissed a girl who is miserable in general. I do not understand their complete lack of interest in improving their life. I often try and give them advice and come off as a dick. I just have to realise that i shouldn’t take the motivation i have to better myself for granted some guys just don’t have it.

    Your articles on attractive masculine traits got me thinking how could i go about developing them. I don’t know about all of them but drive/ambition, courage and worldly life experience should get a good seeing to when i go on my 3 year tour of south east asia while aiming to become the best fighter i can in that period of time.

    I’m not doing that just for girls i actually have an interest in that. Its just a coincidence that possibly the best place to learn to fight in world is probably the easiest place to get laid as well.


  4. Ash

    Good article Steve.


  5. James

    Hi Steve,

    Great article!

    Where do you think alcohol fits in with all of this? I always use it as a huge crux. Have some success with girls in bars etc. However, in places like the work place i notice a distinct lack of interest from girls. I think its because im too awkward without booze in me.

    I fear giving it up/only having one or two on a night out will mean losing some friends as a lot of what we do is centred around big nights out. Not to mention the step back id take in terms of success! But perhaps thats the price i have to pay for longer term success?

    Id be interest in your take on this.




  6. evgeni

    Point 4 is very deep and valueble.I can fell it -put her feeling first-being a man.
    Just more respect for you and your work.


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