First I would like to introduce this post with a metaphor using the Mayor Of London, Boris Johnson. It’s kind of gratuitously included because it’s only partially relevant to this post, but it was the first thing that jumped into my mind when I was considering writing this:
I hope you see the metaphor. The guy cracks me up.
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This one is super important. Women want a leader, a man who can take care of them, who is competent in the world, knows himself, is happy in his own skin and centred. They want you to be the rock solid cliff that their waves on emotion can crash up against, and feel safe and secure that you won’t crumble.
A strong identity is multi faceted and 100000000000000s of pages of content could be written about this. We all have different personality traits to one varying degree or another, so within these dating articles I have tried to tease out those that are typically masculine and universally attractive. However depth of character is what makes you unique, stand out and attractive so throughout I’ve attempted to signpost the nuances and grey areas along the way. For example you will see in this short list qualities more often associated with the feminine. I believe it’s the degree to which you “own” these characteristics, to which you are unashamed about expressing them, that is important.
I keep mentioning this because it goes to the crux of what I believe makes an attractive man.
If you approach a girl and try it on, and let’s say you’re tired, nervous, whatever. You’re not “in state”. You don’t “run perfect game”. It doesn’t matter. It’s neutral. It neither detracts from her perception of you, or bolsters it.
This is where authenticity comes in : if you inhabit, if you own how you are feeling, are ok with it – it subcommunicates that you believe yourself worthy of her at a core level. You’re approaching her, you’re tired, it might even come across that you’re moody. It doesn’t matter. What you’re actually saying is : I like you (that’s why I am here), I find you attractive, I will tell you this, but I don’t feel the need to try to impress you, to act in a way other than what my autopilot response tells me to do. So if I am a bit moody, or tired, or irritable , or even depressed and you pick up on that..It’s neutral.
It would be positive if you were to approach radiating masculine energy, dominance, leading, sure of yourself, but the scenario I have described above is fine. It won’t lose you the girl. Authenticity in and of itself has value.
On the flip side, if you approach like a dancing monkey – trying “game” stuff, even if you are very good at it and pull it off in a practicsed and rehearsed manner..>Think what this says about you:
>I turn my “game” head on when I chat to girls
>I am not good enough in and of myself to get girls
>I am not confident that my natural rap is good enough to get girls.
Anything that is counter to your natural moment by moment reactions – anything that tries to mask who you are and what you are feeling, will detract from your value.
It goes beyond this and has longer term implications. Don’t you want to be inhabiting the identity of a man who believes he is worthy of girls just because of who he is? If you approach with this mindset, you’re going to accumulate reference experiences that support this belief and over time will grow into your power, and grow in self esteem. It’s a holistic process that enhances your power as a man as you get older.
Another great masculine trait is the competitive instinct. Even way before I learned about this stuff I was competitive about getting better with girls, mostly with myself. I never used to be as well rounded and as good as I am now. When I was growing up I would go out alone to the nearest big town and try to meet women, if I didn’t meet anyone I would have to sleep in the train station because I couldn’t afford a taxi home! So I created these kinds of targets for myself.
A running mantra that used to play in my head was “what’s now is not forever”. “Change comes from within”. “Who I am now is not me”.
I write this now and think back to how I used to be…Desperately insecure but with a burning desire to make myself better and not be put down..You have to have this. You have to emotionally engage with it and make it very important to you. A million books have been written on this, find out what works for you. But when it gets right down to it you only ever have yourself to rely on.
The trap you may fall into (this applies to a lot of naturals) is taking yourself too seriously, getting a big ego and basing your identity on your ability to get women.
This is a classic danger for those learning this stuff that i’ve sort of alluded to.
2 tips : Stay grounded by keeping your true friends, and if you find yourself talking about yourself too much, stop. No one is interested in being part of the TV show where you are the main star.
Finally realise this : Being able to pull girls is not a big deal, they’re just girls fa chrissake.
This is more of a higher order characteristic and something that you’ll notice as you continue on your pick up journey. I believe if you pursue the path of the broken man – focussing on “the bang”, “how can I sha** as many girls as I can”, “how can I get the best result for myself from this girl”..These kinds of things, you’re becoming a broken man, and coincidentally, will actually be much less effective with women. Why?
Let me give you a little example. You’re chatting to a hot girl in a bar. Things are going well and she opens up to you and tells you something dear to her heart, some insecurity that obviously has caused her pain (and may still do so).
My reaction would be to look at her face, see the pain and reach deep within myself and find that empathetic space and feel some of that pain on her behalf. I would think of past experiences that were similar for me. It would show in my face and eyes, that I am sincerely sorry and that I can relate. Beyond that it would occur to me, whether it would be best to pursue sex with her, whether it might cause her further pain, even if it means I don’t get “the result”. In other words, I put her feelings first. It’s a real human reaction.
This won’t appeal to everyone. All I am saying is : relate to the girl as a human being and not just a receptacle to put your fu**ing dick into.
Masculine polarity : A strong masculine energy. Qualities such as decisiveness, dominance, leading. But also as i’ve written above : A sensitivity to her emotions, empathy, nobility. Yeah it’s old fashioned.
Beyond that, being in touch with your own emotions. This is one where most guys are just lost. Do you know yourself? I freely admit that sometimes I actually cry, with an overflowing of emotions…I feel it very keenly. You build this up by finding and discovering yourself. Take time out if you can. Travel on your own. What do you like? Do you know? Pursue hobbies you are interested in.
Beyond that, I cannot recommend mindfulness strongly enough.